The Old Jokes' Graveyard...
About once a week, usually on a Friday afternoon, I mail a joke or two to few of my closest friends. Here are some of the best (most recent first). If you're a glutton for punishment and you'd like to receive jokes via e-mail - or maybe you know some even better - please mail me at admin@elmour.com, or CLICK HERE if you'd rather submit your joke anonymously.
Submitted Jokes
Live and uncut! See jokes posted by visitors to elmour.com.
Why Condoms come in packs of 3, 6 or 12
A father explains this mystery to his curious young son.
Scouser Eggs
For the benefit of my overseas readers, Scousers (Liverpool born and bred) have an ill deserved
reputation for light - fingeredness. This joke features the kind of racist stereotype that only
another Scouser (i.e. me) can get away with!
A Disturbing Time
A tired down-and-out is unable to get a nap because he's constantly being bothered
by people who want to know the time...
One Liners
These one liners are so bad they were rejected by a christmas cracker company.
But here at elmour.com we never put a healthy joke down...
The Talking Dog
A truly, truly corny joke - well down to the standard you've come to expect from elmour.com.
Love In The Retirement Home
Mildred and Howard reawaken their carnal desires down at the Old Folks' Home...
Graham Saves The Day
Graham and Dale are doing lunch when they notice Betty in a terrible pickle.
Quick as a flash, it's Super Graham to the rescue - but Betty gets more than she bargained for...
Nature's Wonders
Some delightful photographs of mother nature at her finest.
Fatherly Advice
When Jack marries Jill, his father has a few words of wisdom about keeping your woman in check..
Posted by Paul.r.g.
Heaven or Hell?
Everybody's favourite politician dies, then gets to choose where to spend eternity.
Will it be heaven or will it be hell?
Sweet Revenge
For everyone who's occasionally have a really bad day and just needed to take it out on
someone - beautifully poetic story set in Australia. It's a bit long but well worth the
effort. Lord, how I love it when a plan comes together!
Fourteen Little Groans
The worst one liners in the world? Probably. But they made me laugh...
Whalers Get Their Just Deserts...
A Japanese whaling ship gets a taste of natural justice - or is it the whales that get what's coming to them?
Features a revolting footnote...
Single Black Female
This genuine small ad from a Melbourne newspaper attracted replies from
over 5,000 lusty Aussie men...
Terrorism Can Be Fun Too!
A link to "Bobland", an off - beat website with all kinds of odd stuff.
Here, The Bobster makes fun of Idiot Americans (never a bad idea) by supplying alternative captions to
icons on a genuine US Government website about the dangers of terrorist attack.
I thought the funniest captions were towards the bottom of the page.
Peace Photos
Four photos of some of the wittier peace protests during the lead up to the invasion of Iraq.
La Computer or Le Computer?
Are computers male or female? C'est important si vous parlez français.
Virus Alert - The "Work" virus
Avoid it if you possibly can!
The Wisdom Of Age
Now that I'm 40, here is some of the wisdom I have accumulated over the years...
Virus Alert - The "Senile" virus
Be warned - this virus mostly appears to affect those of us who were born before 1964!
The forty - something's prayer
Well, I am 40 now...
A tale of two prawns
Justin the prawn had always wished he was a big tough shark - and wishes sometimes come true...
Country pursuits
An American country gentleman is driving home late one night, feeling a little hot under the collar...
International Psychology Experiment
10 idyllic islands are each populated by 2 men and 1 woman. Find out how different nationalities coped with the situation...
Albert and the Aeroplane
Pensioners Albert and Ethel have always wanted to take an aeroplane trip, but fifty quid is fifty quid...
Three Hats
A postman, a soldier and a Management Consultant stumble across a beautiful, drunk, comatose and completely naked woman...
Lay off the Office Jokes
The M.D. of a small company has a tough decision to make...
Dog Collar Joke?
A clergyman intervenes when some young boys argue over a stray dog...
Women's Relationship Rules
We always hear "the rules" about relationships from the woman's side. Now here are some rules from the male side...
Customer Satisfaction Survey
One of those annoying customer satisfaction surveys they bombard you with every time you buy something on line. Or is it???
Golfing Couple
A man takes his wife golfing for the first time and they end up working on their swing - in more ways than one...
Sex Holiday
A short joke about a sex tourist.
Eye Test
A large - ish photo. Do you need glasses?